Blog: Scaling and sliding

Scaling and sliding
Scaling and sliding
Date: 2018-Dec-08 20:39:06 EST

Yesterday was my workplace's holiday party, and unlike a lot of previous parties I've been to, I think I'm starting to get some traction in figuring out how to navigate them. Perhaps it's that I'm less damaged now than I was before, and maybe a bit more socially aware. I'm starting to take an interest in conversational flow - figuring out what people are about and asking them about it. It's not intellectually that interesting, but the process of doing it brought me some pleasure at the time. And diminishes loneliness, and hints at future shared activities I can have with people I work with. So that was a win. Although unfortunately at a certain point, my body started to give way in a way it rarely does - my heart started acting up. Tachychardia is something I've dealt with for awhile, but it's rare enough that I can forget I suffer it between episodes (maybe every 4 months for minor ones, every year or so for major ones). This was a major, but even those are usually not that bad; I just stepped outside and let what I've come to think of as my mantenance self walk me home. That state of mind is something I willingly enter for distance from discomfort, mostly for migraines but occasionally for this. I came back into myself lying down on my bed at home, episode still underway but at least no longer at risk of passing out while standing up.

Today, reminded by being underdressed again yesterday, I got a haircut and then went to be fitted for a jacket/suit. This being manhattan, the haircut place was downstairs in my building, and the suit place was 2 blocks away. I don't know if I'll be in NYC for the rest of my life, but the hyperconvenience is pretty amazing. I'm a little surprised that, talking with the suit person, I was starting to get into thinking about style, what was matching with what, and so on. It's a side of myself that rarely comes out and I think my public persona almost pretends it's an antiskill or a deficit, but it doesn't need to be that way. Perhaps this is something I'll change the next time I reinvent myself (usually between jobs).

I recently pissed off some of the crazy kind of activist on Twitter; amused but also annoyed that some of them at least started towards doxxing and failed because I messed up my personal website migration, so they poked fun at my twitter URL pointer pointing to nothing. It's probably settled down enough now that I can follow up and fix it. Not that I pay a lot of attention to my personal site.

My heart's been acting up a bit today too. Hoping this is just a quirk rather than the start of a trend.

I think a fun name for the closing of the year might be Jahrdammerung (or would it be Jahre? not sure).