Having Been Human
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Mon Jun 25 19:04:49 2012
Interviewed

Interview was neat, the campus was very neat, I am under nondisclosure so I can't go into a lot of details.

Learned that I'm a bit rusty on a topic in one of the interviews.

Overall had a great time; either they'll hire me or not, but it was a day well spent.

After the interview, took the L to Williamsburgh, hung out there for a bit. Super convenient because the offices and Williamsburgh are both on the L.

On the way back from there, there was a family of a boy in his late teens with his parents, and he was resting his arms on his father's shoulders. Thinking back on my family, that would feel weird; I think I barely remember more than a quick hug or handshake in touching family. Not sure if that's my family being very distant or the result of the abuse at school I suffered long ago; my mom occasionally has mentioned that before that year I was once very huggy and it suddenly stopped (same thing with getting good grades, a lot of afterschool activities, and a lot of other things). Reminds me of conversations with significant others on human contact, their remarks on how physically reserved I tend to be with everyone but them, etc. There seem to be locked boxes of horror in my head on the topic of human contact; while remembering this on the train ride back I seemed to have a little (real) shudder every time I prodded at the topic. I worry that if parents are supposed to provide physical affection to their kids, maybe my inability to be comfortable being physically affectionate except with significant others (and even then that requires considerable active effort to get my guard down until it becomes a habit) would be a difficulty in parenting? Sigh.