Having Been Human
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Fri Jun 29 18:05:50 2012
Separation for Granite

I take it for granted nowadays that my positions are rare; odd permutations, a house I built from pieces of other people and myself in the backwoods. People will see their foes in me because I am not them, and few will find me kin. I am not who I was, and even when I was, the loose ties from back then are with others who have fallen silent. Eventually civilisation fades into the earth, new cities climbing above, leaving just those shouts of lonely philosophers across the chasms of time that Nietzsche wrote about.

The needs of movements and the needs of thinkers are different; I was once more the first and had companions. Now I am more the second, but wary of would-be followers. Nowadays, if anyone is close enough to me to be recognisable, I worry that they're following me rather than someone who went through similar paths of mind. I don't want that responsibility. I want to convince people most-of-the-way but leave them a bit wary of mine, so I will feel no duty to think in ways that I will be judged too radical or not radical enough. I fear letting people down; the pain of a rip keeps me from the bond.

Tired of standing alone. Often tired of these "good fight"s. Really tired of people who have not seen true diversity of good-willed perspectives deciding I'm not concerned about things because I am not convinced by consenses reached in some narrow new world that aims to tear down everything that doesn't conform, or because I left a theory because I found it defective. Irritating as hell that some of that discourse uses the language of "teaching" or "101" for its choices, as if they're presenting anything better than their own theory. Irritating that they're keen to talk, not keen to listen, and privilege their own positions in that way. That world is shit. Marxian discourse is rotten. Foucault is rubbish. I seriously hope the third-wavers stumble and fall under the weight of their own neurotic obsession with trying to please every possible position; once that madness has been explored and found deficient, perhaps we can ditch critical theory and get back to sane forms of these concerns that recognise that we can't make everyone maximally happy and that having that as the standard just encourages people to be difficult. As for the Marxians, I don't think we can even hope for that; the socialist community just needs to entirely purge them from our ranks, all while making a new set of theories. Not easy, but I take heart in that socialism is a natural possibility inherent in any society; even were every bit of socialist theory and every socialist scrubbed from the earth, its necessary principles would be reinvented quickly. The biggest barrier we have right now is not a lack of interest; it's a lack of taking the basic intuitions into a comprehensive new theory; we need a new equivalent to Marx, Bakunin, or Rawls. Bernstein is a good step, but he doesn't provide enough substance nor are his writings properly situated to make the need for what needs to be done clear nowadays to enough people.

Not a lot is going on. Either the company will offer me a job or not; they're taking their time getting back to me, either because they've given it a no or they're talking to my references, I bet. Oh well.

At least I have a nice library of places to hang out. Still really lonely and tired of everything. Sparse contacts with old friends, remotely, help a bit; they seem to be working from more similar-to-me frameworks than the (reasonably younger) people I see online more often are.

Warm weather is helping a bit though, as are the long walks in Prospect Park. I am finding some excellent trails near the middle.