Having Been Human
<Previous Next>
Wed Oct 17 03:12:41 2012
Backside of the Tunnel

I've been here before. It's the other side of a migrane that went bad.

I'm not sure if this is related to having had two bowls of Müsli with Lactaid (something I would not dare with ordinary milk) or just bad luck; might guess the latter because I felt a bit off when I woke up this morning. I had a fairly normal day; did some programming, then some reading, migraine was mildly present by the time I left for TeaLounge (around 4pm), hung out there for most of the evening. I helped someone from the philosophy meetup with some HTML/basic web things, which was kind of cool; she travelled down from midtown Manhattan for it, then dashed back up for the debates. The migraine was mild-moderate by that point, and I tried getting back into coding but had problems focusing so I worked on philosophy instead, but the pain kept building. Steven showed up, chatted with hom about business things while the debate was going on, and tried to figure out what next needs to happen with his pre-startup startup that I can help with. Pain reached a splitting level with some loss of vision, and I realised I should have left for home some time before.

Withdrew into myself for a bit to try to meditate the pain down to a level where I could actually make it home; I've had to do this from my office at CMU a few times, but there I had the luxury of lying down and having a substantial emergency kit with me (cold washcloths, change of clothing, pillows, blanket, some meds). Not so much nowadays. Eventually the pain subsided for a bit and I packed up and dashed out, but this didn't last long, and I barely remember the trip home, as I could barely stand the light and the pain was intense enough that I was hobbling. There were a few super-hot showers at home and a few more hours of pain before I passed out.

Just woke up, a bit after 3am, no migraine left. Glad my laptop made it with me, no idea if my glasses made it home or were lost somewhere along the way. My muscles are knotted and when I woke various blankets and pillows were tied oddly around me. Just starting to do the usual once-I-am-home routine now even though I've been home for awhile. The dissociation from when I was last conscious is stark, just as the little "I am asleep and the pain feels to be gone, let's leave this nice dream and wake up" travel is familiar. For the curious, the dream was where I was at a townhall Romney speech and I heckled him over the existence of gods, and then after the event things got friendly and I, him, and his political entourage had a highbrow conversation where they were trying to trap me on some points (in a civil way) and we instead went back and forth over the nature of corruption and campaigning/politics. Was a delightful conversation reminiscent of some of the post-conversation I had with campus preachers back in undergrad (sometimes leading to meals together after they were done with their campus preaching). Still, I generally prefer to wake up and sort out my life a bit after a migraine, if for no other reason than not fixing up how I left my body will lead to discomfort in the morning.

And now I just have that strange coolness in the eyes that stands in contrast to the feeling of intense heat that's there during a migraine. Migraine adventures really suck. This was one where I really didn't handle the rising one properly; I should have left for home long before I did. As far as I can tell:

I guess I'm used to this ridiculous stuff my migraines do to me. I wish the pain would become old hat though. My coping mechanisms and meditations help a lot, but there's only so far they can go.

At least I'm feeling better now, and with luck will have mostly forgotten this pain before it happens again in what'll probably be a bit less than a week.