Having Been Human
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Fri Jan 11 23:55:44 2013
Toys just arn't doing it anymore

Back from visiting family, replenished my need for distraction with a few more things... Vibram shoes, more socks, possibly eventually a new cellphone. It still all feels empty though, even if some of it is stuff I need. This lonliness won't be cured with more toys. Cleaning my apartment is an oddly similar thing; I don't *really* mind some mess, but it feels good to put things away and get them neat, even as the cats delight in mess. Still, nobody else ever comes here, and it's almost as if an optimiser is cutting out all of my life that doesn't impact anyone else. And that's *everything*. If nobody but family really interacts with me much, if I have no close friends, there's this feeling of what really matters I feel tugging at me that I can't meet. Improving things that don't matter doesn't really help.

I really had hoped some of the job stuff would've worked out better, and maybe that would've been a good way to make new friends. Maybe there's still time.