Having Been Human
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Sun Jan 20 14:36:30 2013
Surviving Again

Yesterday I hung out with Stephen, his wife, and his kid again; after all that we were going to head to TeaL to do work things, but I had a migraine when I woke up yesterday (mild) and it suddenly worsened into a really bad one; we made it to TeaL but I was losing some of my vision and couldn't think straight by the time I made it there, and a few sips of really hot tea didn't help. I just remember stumbling out the door and have some missing memories between then and being in great pain on my bed at home; the pain only started to lift around 5am, after which I finally managed to get to sleep.

This is particularly frustrating because Stephen's so busy that it's hard to get ahold of him, and ... well, the being in agony about once a week sucks too, but I've had that, with varying frequency, over my entire life. It is one of those things that frequently whispers into my ear that life isn't worth living, but it's not alone on that front and it alone I could bear (although it's probably best I never own a gun if these unpained times from the perspective of unpained judgement are enough; the "I would do anything to end this pain" is pretty literal at times).

I'm feeling mostly right again now. No after-migraine high for me this time; if I had that with this migraine, it probably happened while I was asleep after the bulk of the pain lifted. Either way, I need to prioritise the getting-another-slice-of-Stephens-time-for-work thing right now. There have always been migraines. For the forseeable future, there will be more terrible migraines - a lot of them. Just gotta deal the cards I've been dealt and still try to make a livable life.