I wonder .. how do I divide my life? Are there strict borders as to the way I classify my life? I experiment here, walking backwards, letting my life flash before my eyes .. err.. my screen. Heh. An experiment in thought and style. 2nd person. Maybe I should make a speculative, choose your own adventure book sometime, guessing at what might've been about the critical moments. My past composes most of my identity.

Future (speculative)

You are settled down with your chosen, be it Debb or someone else, exploring a life of science, learning, and perfecting yourself in a University setting somewhere. After a life of achievement, happiness, and love, Thauntos comes, and you are ready for his touch.

Current: Angst, Chaos, and Love

- April 2002 - ???? Jason leaves Columbus, having temporarily lived with you, and leaves your ties to Columbus a little weaker. You fall in love with Debb, and you feel a new time coming on. You prepare and hope to leave Columbus, heading to Pittsburgh, giving love a try. The uncertain future beckons, and you are in the process of remixing yourself from elements of yourself long forgotten. You still feel some angst from all of the changes happening in your life, only some of them related to the move.

Intermission

- April 2002-June 2002 You leave McLeod and Associates, tired of incompetance and abuse, and find a wonderful new job at GoAntiques. You feel your spirits lift, for although your life is still empty and lonely, at least day-to-day, you no longer are dealing with things you hate at work, and the people at this workplace are, like the last job, friendly and good to work with. You volunteer for a time at a pet shelter, and enjoy taking care of the cats and dogs there. Having recaptured some confidance, you reemerge into SFF, and begin to interact with old friends from there again. The changes since you were last active are dizzifying.

Tainted Gift

- November 2001 - April 2002 You finally get a job at McLeod and Associates, and are relieved to finally have a source of income. You enjoy the depth of your role at the small company, and use the funds from the job to pull your life together, and move into a large residence near the railroad. Eventually, problems with the company make it progressively less pleasant to work with, and you begin to feel miserable as purgatory begins to glow like hell.

Free Fall

March 2001 - November 2001 Graduation has not done good things for you. The economy and your resume, empty of professional jobs, conspire to leave you jobless for a bit over 6 months, and your parents, unhappy with supporting you, continually threaten to recall you home, and otherwise make life unpleasant. In this case, you feel you have noone to blame for yourself, and you retreat to the past, agonizing further over Martha while trying to distract yourself with trivialities. During this time, you are forced to move from your beloved apartment on Northwood into a distant and uncomfortable place distant from campus, due to lower financial support from parents. You ponder for quite some time the idea of taking a non-computer job to gain some independance back.

Wrapping it up

March 2000 - March 2001 Feeling rather empty, you go through the last year of college, leaving the job at the LAIR to focus on studies. Your confidence in your ability to build a better life and leave Columbus to build a new life hold you together in your lonliness and angst.

Dark Time

Apr 1999 - ~March 2000 You don't remember very much from this time in your life. You retreat into your shell, never leaving your apartment except when needed for classes, leave SFF, and break off ties with almost everyone, occasionally hanging out with Charles. Thoughts of Martha and continual, horrible pain fill your nights and days. Near the end of this period, you begin to write down more of your philosophy as a means of distraction.

Thorned Rose

Dec 1998 - Apr 1999 You discover love for the first time in your life, in the form of Martha, an intellectual artist you meet through SFF. Dating rapidly expands into a deep relationship, as huge portions of your days are shared with your first proper chosen. You participate strongly in SFF and feel truly fulfilled for the first time in your life. And.. then things start to fall apart. Martha still has unresolved issues with her last chosen, and these grow in her mind and poison the relationship, while you watch with horror knowing that there is nothing you can do to affect this. Talk of children and marrage and long-term plans swiftly become a shared awareness of a growing distance, and your soul is crushed, leaving you with nothing but continual grief. You make various attempts to escape this, but eventually change your mind and withdraw into yourself to deal with the pain. You resent the efforts of your parents and others to involve themself in your life during this time, and acquire (and go through some) pets to prepare for what you foresee as a long time of emptiness.

Society

Sept 1998 - Nov 1998 August, a cool person you met in Math class ages ago, finally convinces you to go to the local atheist group he started, SFF. It takes some time getting used to being around others of like mind, but finally you have peers again. You also begin to get used to life in an awesome apartment on Northwood Avenue. It is strange getting used to having things that begin to resemble a large number of friendships. I start to work for the LAIR at OSU at this time.

Dull Summer

Summer 1998 Not much happened at this time. You live in the basement of a large house east of campus for this time. I leave my job at the Networking group near the end of this time.

Partial relationship

March 1998 - June 1998 You have a 'relationship' that's missing some essential parts, with someone you met in Lincoln tower (a dorm). Without much of an emotional connection, it never becomes deep. It is, however, the first time you explore the idea of relationships and sexuality. You briefly live in the Ohio Stater for the very beginning of summer.

Lincoln smiles

September 1997 - March 1998 I return to Lincoln tower, this time with a roomate I actually like. Lundy and I get along very well, and eventually the suite drives Bobula out. I begin to work for the OSU Networking Group at this time.

Jones summer

June 1997 - August 1997 I live in Jones graduate tower for the summer. It is very cramped, and I am fairly lonely. I go to the very last summer ASP service project with people from the church I used to attend, during this summer, and say my last goodbyes to that crowd. After this, I have no strong ties left to Brecksville society left. I begin to work in the Unix Workstation group at this time.

Lincoln frowns

August 1996 - June 1997 I start college, moving into Lincoln tower. I like my classes, but swiftly begin to find my roomate intolerable. He doesn't bathe enough, he has an irritating personality and mannerisms, he attempts to keep everyone serious all the time because he's always studying and taking too many classes, and he's a compulsive liar. The rest of the suite hates him, and as we begin to clash, he prevents me from leaving by physically blocking me when he wants to talk to me. I become miserable, but as he irritates the rest of the suite too, make good friends with the rest of the suite. I work at the UTS telephone support center for this period.

Waiting for University

June 1996-August 1996 Very little happened this summer, except I said goodbye to my friends from Brecksville and finished working at Independance Telephone.

High School

I was involved in a lot of sciency things at this time, and had a number of computer jobs with varying degrees of seriousness. I learned to drive, and my close circle of friends, Tim, Stephen, Matt, Henry, Sri, and Ross (sort of) were closest during this period. I also finally learned what my heart condition was, and around the same time stopped being involved in cross-country and the other athletic things that were still in my life at this time. I began to study, on my own, how social organizations work in real life at this time, and started an effort to understand how I think and how personalities work, after observing some semi-intentional personality shifts within myself. I was involved with the local methodist church at this time purely for social opportunities, and there was an incident that changed forever how I understand religion (and especially Christianity) related to the practice of confirmation. I was involved in Orchestra up until the end of High School, and enjoyed most of the classes I took, especially German, Japanese, and the science/math classes.

Middle School

I don't remember much from this and back. I was still fairly athletic at this time, playing floor hockey, running, soccer, and other things. Even above all the other kids in the Honors/Challenge program, I showed a particular aptitude at math and languages. Despite my gifts, I also showed a tendency to not pay attention to things I didn't find interesting, and didn't like to study, causing my parents concern over my grades. There were tutors and tests, although which were for advanced study and which were to find out why I was making bad grades, I don't remember. I played a number of video games during this time.

Elementary School

I had a good mix of intellectual achievement and involvement in athletics at this time, doing gymnastics, baseball, and some other sports. This focus later slowly shifted towards purely intellectual things, but at this time I was fairly balanced. My lack of ability to study effectively started during this time. It's possible that it may have been related to a bad teacher I had for third grade who was somewhat abusive, but I have so little data at this point that I can't say for sure. Even at this time, however, I can remember having conversations with someone else, Dan Perttu, about philosophy on the bus on the way home. I vaguely remember playing with transformers at this time, and also pretending the logpile in my parents' place was a time machine with a neighborhood friend. I remember having Optimus Prime date Barbie, and playing dress-up with my sisters.

Moving Around

My family moved around between Texas and Connecticut before they settled down in Brecksville. I remember feeling very sad each time, as I lost all my friends everytime we moved. I only have very vague memories of these times -- in preschool in texas, I remember being in trouble for not being able to be found after our time for recess on the playground had ended, although that might've been actually in kintergarden in Brecksville. I also vaguely remember a green turf in a porch in the back of our house in texas, and having a favorite rock in connecticut. It was always cold there.

This actually was a lot of fun. I should make this into the autobiography section on my up-and-coming new version of my website, perhaps, as it has significantly more detail, and more importantly, dates. This is who I am, probably more than anything else is. Oh reader, can you do likewise for your life?