Life is a set of brief moments of awareness, seperated by longer periods of smoothness. It's kind of a Buddhist way of looking at things, and yet, unlike much of the other Buddhist 'short thoughts', it's actually pretty menaingful. We only generally have a single 'strong focus' of attention, and so we're either reflecting or we're doing. It's the ability to reflect that makes us interesting -- that moment of introspection or realization. Of course, without content, it's not bound to be very satisfying -- we can't do it too much. It's also true on a broader timescale .. heh, a time harmonic.. There are times where we 'touch down' and look at our life and ourselves, and then we lift up and let the river carry us where it will. Touching down is useful because it lets us change direction. Different kinds of music, all very personal, can help us touch down or be carried again.

My life has changed direction recently, and I'm lifting my legs from the river bottom again. A friend pointed me at some things that Debb said about me. I read. I suspect, just like Martha did, that she's rearranging facts and history to justify where she is now, probably without realizing it.

I wasn't exactly dependant to the same degree as I was with Martha -- in that relationship it was very satisfactory until near the end. In this one, it was a massive, unbalanced mix of good and bad that was relatively stationary. I still think it was more good than bad, but it certainly was very bad at the same time it was very good.

I think I've pretty much recovered from it. I still get lonely, but it's mostly the old flavor of lonliness that's my nondating baseline, and only rarely the serious kind anymore. I did briefly have the dark thoughts from post-Martha return, but they were short-lived and not really that strong.

I believe strongly in honesty, writing things down, and making them available to the world. They hand-in-hand. People can't lie, to themselves or to others, when every bit of information they put out there might be corroborated, supported, or the opposite from another, and when there's enough interest possible that society can dig up facts to see who twisted the facts. Of those interested in what happened between me and Debb, from all the people who know both of us, let this be the closing of the book for this chapter of our lives.

I'm ending this entry here for symbolic reasons, but the next entry is temporally right afterwards.