I recently have noticed a disturbing (and new) aspect of myself.. something that wouldn't be disturbing to many of my friends, at least for them, but it's weird for me to have it. It seems to be another thing I've absorbed.

Sometimes one finds a strange disjunction between values, between the children of some values, and the children of others.. Not all values come from the same place -- some are more biological or emotionally based than others. I believe I have the strength of personality to hold the contradictions within myself, and to still hold as important values that I identify with intellectually that struggle with the emotional values.. but it's hard. It doesn't make it easier that I don't have the help-each-other solidarity of people who share my belief that what I'm struggling with is something that should be struggled with. It would be seductively easy to join them. And no, this isn't about religion. I'm still as atheist as ever :)

My new DSLmodem arrived in Pittsburgh today, and I barely ended up missing it. I wish that FedEx/UPS would, when a package makes it into town of the recipient, give them a call instead of just trying to deliver it. I am usually not home (I spend a lot of time at the Coffee Tree, work, and have a number of other things I occasionally do that fill my time). I can usually arrange to be home if I know roughly when delivery is due, and if I had the opportunity to direct the package to Coffee Tree when I know I'm going to be there, that'd be wonderful. Instead, I get those damned yellow tags. So, tonight, I'm going to make a late-night trip out to a place near Timbuktu to get the kit so I'll have internet this weekend. Oh well. Amusingly, Speakeasy, my new ISP, had the following note with their service progress meter:

If there is software (CDROMs, etc), included in the packaging for your DSL hardware, please DO NOT install it. This software is not necessary for the operation of the hardware or your DSL service. In fact, use of this software could potentially impair the proper functioning of your service or render it inoperable, resulting in a billable technician dispatch.

Isn't that wonderful?

I've been starting to ask my friends in Pittsburgh, many of whom are from Eastern Europe, what in Eastern Europe is worth seeing.. I'm starting to think that I might like to have my first real vacation for a long time. I'd like to see a lot of pretty scenery, and also historical sights relating to the October Revolution and World War 2. Here are my notes (I tend to write to myself in a mix of languages.. this is slightly Anglified) ..

Russ Leningrad Moscow * note: dangerous for foreigners Polen Krackow - Museums - Oldest Universitat - Monument Warsaw - Resistance Movement Auschwitz Tatr Mts Zakopane Osterreich Wien - On Danube Hungary Budapest - Also on Danube Tscheck Rspbk Very pretty

Yeah, that covers a huge area -- I'm figuring that if I do this, I'm only going to be able to give it about 1.5 weeks, so I'll probably need to trim it down. Someone at work suggested I get some kind of Eurorail pass to save money. I'm still in the early figuring-things-out phase, so I don't know if it's even going to happen, and have no idea when, but it does sound fun. Moscow and Leningrad are definitely a must for the trip if it happens.

Yesterday, at the Tree, I was reminded of one of my pet peeves, when people stand in a parking spot, or put something there, in order to reserve it for someone. It probably didn't help that this was a soccer mom cheerfully waving others away from her spot for about 15 minutes until her husband came with a huge SUV.. it bugs me in the general case though. I occasionally, when people don't even stand there, remove things that people put out to reserve such spots. Grr.

Last night, the Generalists, the philosophy group I'm part of, met again, this time to watch a kooky movie made by wackos, this time from the left-wing, claiming that NASA is part of a Nazi plot for world domination. Interesting, yes, but mostly from the amusement value. The only thing that was in there that didn't seem crazy was a concern that the Military-Industrial Complex is a self-justifying group that influences politics in a bad way. Anyhow, as the lab room we were in to watch the DVD didn't actually have a DVD player, we all visited my apartment. It was nice -- it's both newly clean and I haven't had guests for awhile (apart from a brief visit by K). As R, who I've known for awhile now, didn't have a DVD player, I gave her my spare one. It's really good that finally it'll get some use apart from collecting dust in my closet.

I'm haunted by some conversations I overheard yesterday at the Tree -- people talking about relationships, one of them finishing a messy divorce. Partly it was weird because I was forced to spit back out some delusions that I swallowed, for the sake of harmony, recently, and partly it was hard because they were touching on some subjects that are very sensitive for me.

Anyhow, I'm going to a dinner party tomorrow that promises to be fun. Hurrah. I also, for reasons I won't explain, have a large amount of new music to listen to, and decide either to keep or toss. This makes me happy.