I scroll through my phone looking for someone to call, gazing at the fancy display, the list of people I know and have known in my life. The lazy gaze of a couch potato with the remote, the desperate gaze of an addict at a smoker. A look of pain crosses the eyes, they close, and the phone closes shortly afterwards. Due to short-sightedness, I have forgotten my distractions -- without power for my laptop, it is soon to be a mass of plastic and metal, and I cannot cope with that finity, so I put it back away. Someone who irritates me and is overly friendly and talkative is someone I forget to be rude to, so he comes to irritate me for awhile. I wish, constantly as he talks, that he would leave and never talk to me again, but there is no way to say that, so I bear his conversation until he goes. My mind is elsewhere, as I walk home. So many doors in life, so many that are closed now that I wish were not, and others that never were open I wish were. People I have loved, some I still do, who now are paired to someone else, or out of reach. Friends I have lost touch with, times that I've had that I deeply long having again.

My musical accompaniment is similarly bleak. No Use For a Name's Room 19.

I've also been thinking about a short list of things that would create a healthier capitalist society, not that such a society could ever be fully healthy, mind you. I'd share, but it's not quite done yet and also its format really is better suited towards when I have the next version of POUND up. Which is .. actually not too long in the future. RSS/Atom support are still incomplete and untested, but when they're done, even though there may be some functionality loss, up it'll go. Hurrah.

I had a Doctor checkup today. Apparently, he's worried that I'm losing too much weight. I also got some medicine for my headaches which may help me out.

Sigh.