With the coming of cold yank weather, it's important to make sure one is well-dressed. Whatever the heck my future is, hopefully I won't be here for when it reachs its worst, but just in case, I've started to evaluate the latest trend in fashionable, warm, winter-ware: Catscarves. None of the three models I tested allowed me to actually tie them - the protest was full of vigour and sharpness, and so I stopped trying. Catscarves are, however, very warm, heavy, and good for prevention of both the sudden breeze and slow chill. Per-model specifics:

The Tortfeasor model (pictured):

• Very very heavy, for maximum warmth
• Fat layer is very form-fitting
• Extra-large, particularly suited for broad-shouldered people
• Offers sound effects when birds or other interesting objects are spotted
• Requires a LOT of food to keep charged. May leave one's neck for autonomous recharging if not regularly fed

The Beefalo model:

• Midweight, for a mix of warmth and mobility
• Fat layer is more minimal, looser fit (Warning: if fit is too loose, claws may be necessary to affix this model to your neck)
• Less requiring of food to remain charged
• Note that this model is very particular and if unwilling to serve as scarf, should be allowed an hour to reboot before trying again

The Jayne model:

• Lightweight, for ultimate mobility on days that are only slightly cold
• No fat layer - relies more on dangling legs and body friction/balance to remain on neck
• Requires negligible food to remain charged
• Some customers have reported this model to have terrible breath