Time Heals All Wounds.. And Then Kills the Patient
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Evening
Evening
Thu Jun 19 13:31:29 2003
I fed a bird (and other short stories)
Topics:

Today, for lunch, I got my usual from Srees. I ate it outside, sitting on the grass near the Cut. As I ate, two small birds came over to me. I tossed them some carrots, but they didn't seem interested. I then noticed that one of them was eating some rice that had blown out of my plate. I scooped some onto my fork, and held it out. The little guy actually ate it right off my fork. I grabbed some more, and fed him three times before he flew off.

CNN had a story about changes to the "Head Start" program, which, IIRC, is a program to put poor kids through free preschool. Apparently, BushJr is trying to push through some changes that would both increase state control, and legalize the refusal to hire people of religions which might interfere with the 'goal of the program'. Both of these are, from my point of view, bad things. In general, I think that increased state powers are a bad thing -- too often, as is illustrated by Texas, it acts as a way for states to allow local stupidity to reign, free of the somewhat greater sensibility of the nation. Should states still exist? I don't know -- I don't see much use for them. If any of you out there want to send me passionate (or otherwise) arguments for the existence of states, feel free. Maybe it's a shortage of imagination, but I just can't see anyone but people trying to live in the past having 'good' arguments for states rights. I'm especially pissed at BushJr (pretzels be unto him) for being so successful at pushing religion further into government.

Sharon's dismantling settlements. Cool. I don't know why he's doing it -- maybe the dangling carrot, maybe an actual desire for resolution.. People can have a change of heart, over time. Maybe that's what we're seeing. If he and Abbas can manage to build a successful agreement, I'd be surprised, but pleasantly so, and I'm beginning to think that I might someday respect the man, despite his bloody past.

BushJr (pretzels be unto him) continues to screw up on Iran, while he and Blair do their best to prevent investigations into their handling of information (or lack thereof) about weapons programmes in Iraq. He's also rewriting EPA reports to remove talk of global warming and climate damage.

On Tuesday, Philosophy group had a discussion on materialism and bioethics. On Wednesday, Zets (all 5 of us that showed up) talked a bit about politics, and a bit about everything else, for hours. As a bonus, because the meeting was on Darlington Road, where there's some construction going on, we got to see cars driving the wrong way down a one way road (about 3/4 of them turned around pretty fast, the others kept going). It was quite amusing. I went with Nicole to grab some food, and got some tasty spring rolls. I also found that Vice happens to have musical tastes and knowledge of groups/songs that, on first glance, appears to be very similar to mine.

Last night, I delivered the things I needed to get back to Debb to her doorstep, or as close as I could get considering I no longer have keys to her building. I was nervous as I approached, and light in my step when returning. I don't know if that means anything. It probably didn't help that I thought I saw her car driving around where mine was parked on Darlington a few times earlier that night, but maybe it didn't hurt. I also noticed recently that one of the two people I'm interested in has a voice and style of speaking that's similar to what I remember of Martha's. Yup, yet another oddity that I just don't know what to think of. Oh, yes, two songs I've been listening to recently... Oingo Boingo's "It Only Makes Me Laugh" and Toad the Wet Sprocket's "Walk On the Ocean".

I notice, visiting Toad's site, that they appear to be a dead group. I feel a bit odd about that, like visiting a grave a bit too late. They would've still been dead if I had listened to them all this time, but in that one-way fashion that's always there in consumerism, they would've been part of my life, and I wouldn't be coming back to find them now, like a dead flower in a forgotten garden. It reminds me a bit of, two visits to home ago, when I stopped by the Tanager Trail house I lived in back then. Things change, and it makes the heart ache when things that are important to one change without one. It is a very Buddhist pain, impermanence, or at least a pain they recognize well, and say it must be overcome. Yet, somehow I think this thing, whether it's a flaw or not being something I've decided, is irresistable, and the pain it brings is one I cannot deny without giving up who I am.

And then the mind, free to take the forms it wanted without maintaining them in a space, split into subpersonalities. There were about 15 of them, initially all close variants of him, with different clothing and expressions on their faces, and then a few began to take the shape and manner of people who, in his mind, represented those personalities to him. The whole looked upon the selves, the pantheon of his mind, and nodded. Their arguments mirrored, or perhaps decided, maybe there's no distinction, the path the whole takes, the dissenting voices being the doubts. How interesting, to close one's eyes, on a whim, and open them as someone anew. A shadow, or a representation, is not the real thing, but it's its own thing, and there's no shame in a strong resemblance. Icons, Masks, and Campbell.

Closing my eyes.