Time Heals All Wounds.. And Then Kills the Patient
<Previous Next>
Thu Jul 17 09:50:42 2003
When reason fails

Yesterday, I had a cup of hot chocolate before I left work. Predictably, today I woke up with a nasty headache. It's probably as close as I'll ever come to a hangover-like situation. Whenever I have chocolate, I think to myself that I'm going to regret it later. And that sometimes stops me, and sometimes it doesn't. This is an interesting theme, and I'm going to chew on it a bit.

I don't think reason really has failed there, but instead, that there's kind of a short-term selfishness that takes over. I know that I want the stuff, and that it mattered more to me then than the discomfort later. And, no matter how I might wish later that I don't have these fluctuations in the strength of things I want, I still have them.


I was just listening to Fiddler on the Roof, and suddenly realized that I had been mishearing some lyrics in "If I were a rich man" for all the years I've been listening to and singing it to myself. I always thought they were saying "Posing proverbs that would cross the Rabbi's eyes", but I think now that that second word is problems, and refers to the rabbi in his secular role rather than the religious one. It makes more sense in the context. My sense of hearing sucks. I'm constantly not hearing bits of conversation when people talk to me, and invariably instead of repeatedly asking them to speak up, I try to infer what they said from the sounds and context. It usually works out ok -- either it's unimportant or I figure it out ok, but sometimes I'm way off, or don't reply to something that turns out to be a question. It makes me look stupid, or not all there, or something. So people, if I start to get confused in conversation, or give a reply that's way off from what you're saying, SPEAK UP. And .. err.. no, it's really my problem. I should just ask you to speak up. It's odd -- I'm good with music, so you'd figure that I'd have good hearing. Maybe the answer is more complex -- perhaps the speech recognition areas of my brain arn't as developed as they should be. *shrug*

I'm happy to say that I've reached a kind of equilibrium over the last two months. I found that most of the criticisms that Debb had about me were completely ignorant, and that I'm within normal ranges for a geek. Through talking about things with friends, I know that her criticism of my being too dismissive of my own needs for her sake was on the mark, but most of the other things were just wrong. Her notion of what is normal, for example, is way off in several areas. It's been suggested that she lives in something like Steve Jobs' famous RDF, and looking back at the things that I dealt with, I'm amazed that I was so controlled that I was unable to realize that I needed to take responsibility to counter the RDF, and her, when necessary. But that's always the nature of these things -- you never see them at the time. I've recovered my sense of self, and although it's indeed changed, as far as I can tell the strongest taints it once had were off-base, and so I've removed them. Still, it's possible for me to be hurt by memories of that time. I had a yucky nightmare last night. Not fun to wake up to a headache and from a nightmare at the same time.

Tonight, there's an interesting event at UPitt that I might attend. W00t! Also, hopefully my friend will get out of the hospital today! I hope she's not contagious, whatever it is. It'd be fun to go biking or running or something.

I'm looking forward to much later tonight, when if I have the energy, I'll maybe get POUND up to the point where I'll try to push all my existing entries into it.

Something I've been chewing on.. Large-scale capitalism, especially when venture capitalism and stocks start to get involved, goes bad really easily. However, there's no theoretical reason why small-scale capitalism couldn't be just as messed up, is there? Maybe levels of competance are more uniform in big companies than small ones. Is greed a constant? Or are stockowners distant enough from the company that they can't effectively be anything but an investor in for the profits? There's more to social good than profits, but it's not easy to see from a sufficient distance. Is there a clever solution to that? Perhaps ban people from owning more than N amount of stock, or stocks in more than N companies. Not sure, I'd need to think about it. It's not as clever as legally forcing SUVs to be ugly to counter people who have them as trophies. :)

Back to work.