Time Heals All Wounds.. And Then Kills the Patient
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Sun Jun 20 00:20:57 2004

Fingers in the skull, lightly playing the mind, like on a piano.. A memory.. a movie, Forrest Gump, and others... seeing it in a group. SFF.. yes, a fond memory. A group of friends, nostalgia.. We all went and did things together.. such a good friendship. I miss those times. I regret that I ever closed myself off from them while I was still there. I didn't deal well with the pain of a failed relationship, and let it take too much out of me. If I had done differently, who knows what might've happened.. The present is very fragile, and chances are good I wouldn't've ended up in Pittsburgh, and it's so hard to judge these things. I might be a very different person in that circumstance. I've learned so much, as a student of life, and at CMU, and made some relationships here that I treasure. In time, I hope to build memories to rival what I had there. I haven't really felt that I fit somewhere here .. until recently.

I just got back from the dinner party, and .. felt like I have touched a kindred soul (I'm allowed to speak figuratively, I think). It's stunning. What a beautiful mind. The food was good too .. actually, it was amazingly good. Two very good cooks and me. I have some very tasty, healthy leftovers.

After leaving, I stopped by Coffee Tree and read a bit more Trotsky -- this section was about the various levels of Communism and the difficulties the Soviet Union faced in attempting to build itself to a post-Capitalist system with high economy of labour from one of the most backward economies in the west. The analysis is quite frank and fascinating, although I do wonder if he (and Marx) really could anticipate how clever the capitalists are. Trotsky quoted Marx in saying that Communism would start with the French, continue with the Germans, and finish with the British, with the Russians far behind. I don't accept Marx's notion of the inevitability of Communism -- I think that if it is to happen, it will need to be struggled for, and that that struggle is not guaranteed actors. Further, even should struggle begin, I don't think victory is inevitable. Capitalism is pushed by very clever, wealthy, powerful people who are better educated and better at manipulating people than the common person, and these people may be able to sustain the current system or move society to another system indefinitely. I can, however, understand why if revolution is to come, it must come quickly -- as society were to reorder itself into socialist patterns, it would likely have a temporary weakness which capitalist-controlled forces would seek to unbalance. (Just woke up from last night's slumber -- must've fallen asleep while writing this) .. It was pretty cold out, so I didn't actually stay very long.

Mhh... I would sacrifice a lot if I could make last night's dreams come true.

Anyhow, now that it's morning, I guess I'm going to do some cleaning and eventually go rock climbing. My normal partners are out of town, but one of their girlfriends has gotten into it so I'll be going with her, some of her friends, and maybe some people from my workplace.