Time Heals All Wounds.. And Then Kills the Patient
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Thu Mar 31 11:48:49 2005
Kissing a Reflection

I find myself wondering what friendship is. There are many ways to approach the issue, but this time I'm trying to understand it by observing what changes happen as one is built. The problem is, as I'm doing it, and putting myself into the right analytical frame of mind to manage that, I can feel whatever it is pull back, reluctant to be analyzed, and it comes back when I stop prodding at it. This isn't unique to friendship -- it also happens with a lot of things -- too much self-awareness is a sure way to be dysfunctional in life in some areas. I can modulate my self-awareness, but the issue is, why are these things like that? One possibility, I think, is that friendships happen on a subconscious or perhaps even partly biochemical level -- we have no idea what kind of pheremones are in the air when people get together. It may be that, as we know these things to be involved in romance, they could be involved in friendships too. There are, however, other possibilities -- riding a bike doesn't involve pheremones, but certainly is one of those kinds of things where too much self-awareness can cause failure or erratic behavior. Perhaps the brain patterns used for thought-on-thought interfere with whatever (emotional?) areas are used for some of the neurological sides of friendship. Or, perhaps there are sides to friendship that none of us are emotionally mature enough to unwrap, and some kind of a fear of truth is involved. I wonder if men have friendships in different ways than females do. It seems possible. I feel I've had some success at identifying summaries of friendship from other angles -- fitting into my value theory, I think that a friendship is when one places a value on another person in the way that a substantial number of their values become, by proxy, some form of light value for the other person. It may also tie into the ingroup-outgroup mentality.

This reminder of self-awareness is an unfortunate and necessary part of aiming to live a philosophical life -- modulating tendencies towards self-awareness when necessary can be tricky when the rest of one's life is devoted to maintaining a very high level of self-awareness. There are some things that will never seem as natural to such a person.

Last night, at the Zets Zapme, we watched Oscar. It was .. difficult to judge -- Stallone is actually a good actor (I had forgotten -- normally when I think of him, I think of terrible films like Rocky or Rambo), and the film was funny and amusing most of the way through. Unfortunately, near the end, it went way over the top relating to motions of black bags, and I just wanted to strangle the people involved. Too much baggage! Arghhhh! Still, it was enjoyable.

Parts of me have been longing for Nicole all week. Damnit. I'm furious, and depressed, and still in love, and .. slowly coming to accept it. Damn you, Phillip Injeian, and damn you too, Nicole. May the failure of your next romances be swift and painful, so you can wake up to who you are. Ahh, well.

I've been thinking of actually digging out the old Dungeons and Dragons stuff to try to start a local gaming group, based on the fact that I now actually know some people my age who are local and gamers. Of course, if the Qatar offer is good enough, which I will wait to hear about, I will go, and that'll screw everything up, but such is life. Next trip to my parents place, I'll scour the basement for my old magic cards, any DnD stuff I don't already have, and my old campaign world. Of course, the people I have in mind may not want to play, but perhaps this will be a new way to branch out and meet new people, which if I'm staying here, I need to do. Heck, maybe if/when I'm ready, I'd meet a new significant other that way. In any case, there's a chance that if I don't start a campaign, someone else will, and I've always been more the type to GM than the type to actually play. I'm pretty sure that with my old group of friends, I was the DM the vast majority of the time, when I was playing.

At the same time I'll be grabbing all that stuff, I'm still working on drastically chopping down on the amount of clutter in my apartment. In the end, I want to keep very little that isn't

Of course, those categories are sufficiently broad that perhaps everything I have fits under them. Hmm. Speaking of sporting, I may give my neighbourhood something to laugh about and try to do some more rollerblading. The weather's perfect. Seeing that I never fall, I can probably skip on the protective gear.